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the eye

BEEN HAVING DAYS

So yeah, I've been having days. Days of doing nothing, of staring at the blank artboard. I have scripted a short piece for Chainsaw Comics "JOY" comp, a submission if I can ever get it drawn.
Mostly my days are filled with work, commuting, kids/putting said kids to bed, trying to relax and failing cause I feel I should be drawing.
Work is killer. It is physical, and with the heat, even more exhausting than normal. If I drop my comic workload to just a weekly I feel like I'm cheating the readers and myself. The readers. Now many of there are you? How many even give a shit about Livejournal or what I'm up to? I know there are some, but man, this place has become deserted. I long for the days when I had people around here all the time. You know what's funny? I don't even see those pop up ads that used to piss people off in some overreacting fashion. Hard to believe most people ditched the LJ over pop up ads. Fuck.
I've been feeling ditched. Ditched by comics, ditched my the world. Stupid. Truth is, I've ditched myself. I've fallen into disrepair, and every now and then I'll start up. Then it falls to shit for some reason. Maybe I haven't recovered from my mother's death. I'd hate to think I've stopped giving a damn about comics. I still enjoy reading them and I haven't given up yet on wanting to draw them, so...
I've surrounded myself with bitter maniacs and folks who bitch even more than I do about comics when they should be making comics. The vicious circle.
Perhaps I need to be locked into a featureless room with only a handful of art supplies and a book to write scripts in. Nothing else. Perhaps I'd be doing comics then, and not just whining about it.

Comments

yeah, it looks like lj has fixed a lot since the mass exodus... i wish they would have done it years ago before it was too late. i miss what lj used to be.
i think a weekly would be fine. you're a pretty busy dude, don't beat yourself up for not being able to do more than that. if you can do more than that from time to time, great. but if not, a weekly is still more than most people do. a manageable goal is a lot more likely to keep you working than trying to do more than you realistically can and beating yourself up over it.
also, i'm looking forward to seeing your submission for the joy anthology, and i know as a fact the other editors are too. your comic for the feat anthology was one of our favorites, all three of us said so.
Man, you know that I am fine with the idea of doing a weekly, and I have less on my plate than you do! I have determined that this is what I am able to do, so I am working within my abilities. Simple.

There's no need to force work out of yourself when it just ain't comin', unless you are depending on this work to earn you a living. Otherwise, your work is a part of who you are now, so let it be that. If you're going through a rough fallow patch -- as I have done, as many of us have done -- accept that, live with it, take care of yourself and nurture yourself into a better space where the work will come out of you easier.

You know I spent most of the 2000s decade drawing nothing show-able -- my one noteworthy achievement in that decade was that piece I did for you. I do think it's a shame that I didn't make any other comics in all that time. But I had other crap going on then, and I don't get down on myself about it -- doing so accomplishes nothing other than eroding your spirit and making it that much harder for you to pick yourself up. But life is what it is: just live it and try to improve it when you can, as you can.

I can see that you might disagree with me there. I know how much respect you have for Henry Rollins and his model of “be a firm taskmaster to yourself” strong self-discipline. That works for him, and I guess you feel it works for you. Me, I need to handle myself more delicately than that to get any results. But know yourself -- know what you have to work with. Allow yourself to feel what you feel and be who you are.

God I can be a pompous dick sometimes. I'm sorry -- I mean well, honest.

Edited at 2012-08-04 11:36 am (UTC)
Oh, and please keep me in your circles of friends -- I'm not bitter, so maybe that will make me a good influence generally! :)
Oh man, dude! I JUST read your comment and want to say thanks. You've helped put some of this insanity into perspective! I will ALWAYS proudly call you my friend.
foster's

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